Harry Potter and the Obsessive Fans
by R.J. Moony
Summary: OMG I UPDATED! Ron, Harry, Hermione, and Draco are transported from the book to reality...RON: Drakey-poo?...DRACO: ::bites Hermione's hand::...HERMIONE: Because the author thinks you're a stupid, slimy git...HARRY: Um...I don't have any funny lines...
1. Default Chapter

Title: Harry Potter and the Obsessive Fans  
  
Author: Quidditch  
  
E-mail: Quidditch1009@aol.com  
  
Rating: PG-13 for a FEW bad words...blame Ron.  
  
Pairings: H/Hr  
  
Spoilers: None  
  
Summary: Ron, Harry, Hermione, and Draco are transported by a magical book to America the day before the 5th book is released. It's a humorfic, so humor me.  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own any of the HP characters, if I did I'd be making 6 times more than the queen of England, but no, they all belong to the amazing J.K. Rowling. The world is a much better place because of her.  
  
A/N: This is my first Harry Potter fic (I used to write Dark Angel fanfiction under a different name) so PLEASE be nice to me. But, if you're just a cold heartless person that for some reason has a problem with my fic and wants to flame me, that's fine too, I don't really care what people like you think, anyway.  
  
  
  
**************************************************************************** **********  
  
  
  
Ron, Harry, and Hermione are walking around the grounds. Hermione spots a book on the grass.  
  
  
  
HERMIONE ::points:: Hey, guys, what's that over there?  
  
  
  
RON: Where?  
  
  
  
HERMIONE: There! ::drags Harry and Ron over::  
  
  
  
HARRY: Looks like a book.  
  
  
  
RON: ::picks it up:: Oi, look Harry, it's about you!  
  
  
  
HARRY: ::grabs book:: About me?  
  
  
  
RON: Yeah, look, it says 'Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone.'  
  
  
  
HERMIONE: But it's a Muggle book. How'd they find out?  
  
  
  
Draco comes up behind them and peers over their shoulders.  
  
  
  
DRACO: What are you three doing?  
  
  
  
RON: Why do you care?  
  
  
  
DRACO: What's that? ::grabs book:: A book? About Potter? Who'd want to write about you?  
  
  
  
HARRY: Give it here, Malfoy!  
  
  
  
DRACO: I don't think so.  
  
  
  
RON: Give it or I'll beat the crap out of you, you slimy git!  
  
  
  
DRACO: ::ignoring Ron:: Why don't we see what it says? ::opens book::  
  
  
  
Ron, Harry, Hermione, and Draco disappear with a blinding flash of light. They reappear in the children's section of the Chicago Public Library.  
  
  
  
HERMIONE: OW!  
  
  
  
RON: What?  
  
  
  
HERMIONE: Draco's sitting on my foot.  
  
  
  
DRACO: ::like a girl:: Ew! ::starts jumping up and down:: Eww! The Mudblood touched me! Ew! EWWWWWW!!!  
  
  
  
HARRY: Shove it, Malfoy!  
  
  
  
DRACO: Ew! Unclean!  
  
  
  
Draco's screaming attracts the attention of a group of girls in the next aisle. They happen to be Draco's fan club, consisting of 11-13 year-olds. Their leader is a skinny blond (who looks A LOT like Malfoy) named Genelle. [A/N: Genelle is a real person and probably would really act like this if Malfoy materialized next to her]  
  
  
  
GENELLE: Ooooooh! Look! ::points:: It's Draco Malfoy!  
  
  
  
DFC (Draco's Fan Club): ::screams:: Draco Malfoy! Draco Malfoy!  
  
  
  
DRACO: ARRRGGGHH!!!! ::to Harry:: Help me!  
  
  
  
HARRY: Why? You're my archenemy!  
  
  
  
DRACO: Good point. Weasley, Granger-  
  
  
  
GENELLE: GET HIM!!!!!  
  
  
  
DFC: DRACO! WE LOVE YOU, DRACO! ::drags Draco away::  
  
  
  
DRACO: HELP!!  
  
  
  
GENELLE: He's mine! ::grabs Draco and kisses him full on the lips:: You're mine! All mine!!  
  
  
  
The girls drag Draco away ("Help! HEEEEELLPP!) While Ron, Harry, and Hermione roll around on the floor, laughing.  
  
  
  
HERMIONE: ::out of breath:: Come on...let's go...in...there ::points to room labeled "Computers":: in...in case ::starts laughing again:: there are any...any more fan...clubs around.  
  
  
  
RON: ::also out of breath:: yeah...ok...  
  
  
  
They go into the computer room. Ron stares in amazement at the computers, most of which are turned off. He goes over to one that's on.  
  
  
  
RON: Hey, what is this thing?  
  
  
  
HERMIONE: It's a computer, Ron, honestly, don't you know anything?  
  
  
  
RON: Honestly, Hermione, you know I wasn't raised around Muggle gadgets, so of course I wouldn't know what a computer is!  
  
  
  
HERMIONE: ::glares at Ron::  
  
  
  
RON: ::glares at Hermione::  
  
  
  
HARRY: ::feels fight coming on:: Er..hey, look, this computer is signed on to the Internet! Let's have a look, then, shall we?  
  
  
  
HERMIONE: Er...ok. ::sits down at the computer::  
  
  
  
RON: What's the Internet?  
  
  
  
HARRY: ::before Hermione can say anything:: It's...It's...kind of hard to explain.  
  
  
  
RON: Uh-huh...  
  
  
  
HERMIONE: ::staring at computer:: Wow...this is weird...ugh, that's disgusting...  
  
  
  
HARRY: What is it?  
  
  
  
HERMIONE: It's this website, fanfiction.net...they're writing stories...about us.  
  
  
  
HARRY: ::reading:: 'Draco realizes there's more to Harry than he thought, DM/HP SLASH'...ew, that's sick! I'll never be able to look him in the eye again...  
  
  
  
HERMIONE: 'Hermione has a late-night *study* session with Snape, HG/SS'...oh my God...that's...that's...horrible, ugh, me and Snape...  
  
  
  
RON: Looks like they also got you with Malfoy, Lupin, Ginny, Pansy, Fred, George...  
  
  
  
HARRY: Yeah, and they've got me with Snape, Lupin, Sirius, Ginny, you, and ::blushes:: Cho.  
  
  
  
RON: Well, this one doesn't look so bad, look, it's you and Hermione.  
  
  
  
HARRY&HERMIONE: ::faces go red::  
  
  
  
HERMIONE: How come there's no embarrassing stories about you?  
  
  
  
RON: Well, look, they've got me with Harry, Pansy, and...::gasps:: you! Ugh, no...  
  
  
  
HERMIONE: ::glares:: What, is there something wrong with me?  
  
  
  
RON: ::face goes red:: No, it's just...you're my best friend. It would just be too...too weird.  
  
  
  
The door opens and slams shut. The three turn to see Draco, panting, hair disheveled, and the color gone from his face. Hysterical girls pound on the door.  
  
  
  
HERMIONE: ::eyeing lipstick mark on Draco's cheek:: Having fun, Malfoy?  
  
  
  
DRACO: ::looks at computer and Ron, Harry, and Hermione's red faces:: What are you lot doing? Let me see. ::peers at computer screen:: 'Hermione realizes she has feelings for a certain blond Slytherin HG/DM'. What the hell? Like I'd ever be seen with that filthy little Mudblood!  
  
  
  
HARRY: ::through clenched teeth:: Malfoy, you say that word one more time, and I'll...I'll...  
  
  
  
RON: I'll knock the shit out of you, that's what I'll do!  
  
  
  
HERMIONE: RON!  
  
  
  
DRACO: Mudblood.  
  
  
  
HARRY: All right, that's it.  
  
  
  
RON: You asked for it, dumbass.  
  
  
  
HERMIONE: RON!!  
  
  
  
Harry and Ron each grab one of Draco's arms and start marching him toward the door.  
  
  
  
DRACO: Hey! What are you doing!  
  
  
  
Harry and Ron just smile.  
  
  
  
DRACO: Wait, you're not- ::Harry and Ron nod:: No, please, ANYTHING but that, come on, guys, don't put me back out there!  
  
  
  
HARRY: ::opens door::  
  
  
  
GENELLE: DRACO!!!  
  
  
  
DRACO: NO, please, anything!  
  
  
  
RON: ::shuts door:: See you later, Malfoy!  
  
  
  
DRACO: ::fighting to get free from Genelle:: NO!!!!!!!!!  
  
  
  
DFC: We love you, Draco! Come with us! ::carries Draco out of the library::  
  
  
  
DRACO: HELP MEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!  
  
  
  
*********************************  
  
A/N: So? How was it? I'll write the second chapter, that is, if I get enough reviews...good ones, that is. Next chapter we meet: Harry's fan club! Oh boy! 


	2. Right, Left, and Harry's Fan Club

Chapter 2  
  
A/N: Looks like I got enough reviews (I must have really low standards, cause I only got 3...). Thanks a BUNCH to:  
  
MoMo-ChAn: Why would I want to kill the characters??  
  
Elfmoon87: This takes place June 20 the summer before their 5th year. You can use your imagination to figure out exactly WHY they're at Hogwarts during the summer, as I don't know how to explain that little plothole ;)  
  
Slone: I never thought I'd say this, but I feel sorry for Draco, too. Genelle is torture.  
  
Ok, on with the story!  
  
*******************************************************************  
  
Ron, Harry, and Hermione leave the library and stand outside.  
  
RON: ::looks around:: Where do you reckon we are?  
  
HERMIONE: Chicago.  
  
RON: How do you know that?  
  
HERMIONE: Because, ::points to sign on door:: that signs we just left the Chicago Public Library. Can't you read?  
  
RON: Oh...and of course I can read!  
  
HARRY: So what do we do now?  
  
  
  
HERMIONE: ........  
  
RON: .......  
  
HARRY: Well?  
  
HERMIONE: Er...how about we just walk that way? ::points left::  
  
RON: Why?  
  
HERMIONE: Because we're totally lost and there's nothing else to do but move or stay put!  
  
RON: We could go right.  
  
HERMIONE: What's wrong with left?  
  
RON: What's wrong with right?  
  
HERMIONE: ::glares:: LEFT!  
  
RON: ::glares:: RIGHT!  
  
  
  
HARRY: We're going straight! ::drags Ron and Hermione across the street:: Honestly, you two fight about the stupidest things!  
  
RON: She started it!  
  
HERMIONE: I did not! You were the one who had a problem with going left! I don't know WHY, we don't really know where we are, so who CARES which direction we go-  
  
RON: Well why do we have to go YOUR way, we ALWAYS go-  
  
HARRY: SHUT UP! ::Ron and Hermione stop fighting:: We somehow end up in the middle of CHICAGO, where for some reason EVERYONE seems to know who we are, and people write stories about us on THE INTERNET, which is really rather SCARY, and all you two can do is FIGHT about whether we should have gone RIGHT or LEFT!  
  
RON&HERMIONE: ::silent, faces go red::  
  
HERMIONE: Sorry, Harry.  
  
RON: Yeah, sorry.  
  
HARRY: ::sigh:: It's ok. Come on, let's just walk.  
  
Ron, Harry, and Hermione wander around Downtown Chicago, each lost in their own thoughts. Hermione spots something strange and stops dead on the sidewalk.  
  
  
  
HERMIONE: Harry! ::tugs on his sleeve:: Harry! Look! ::points::  
  
HARRY: What?  
  
HERMIONE: Over there, look! People in robes!  
  
RON: And pointed hats!  
  
HARRY: But...they can't be wizards, can they? I mean, I know this is America and all, but they still wouldn't go around like that in broad daylight.  
  
RON: ::eyes a passing couple dressed in full punk: piercings, tattoos, spikes and all:: I don't know...some American Muggles dress a lot stranger...  
  
The trio watched the kids dressed like wizards walk into a store called "Borders", where a large number of people (many of them also dressed like wizards) were gathering.  
  
RON: What's going on over there?  
  
HARRY: Let's go see.  
  
They cross the street, and now can see the display in the store windows.  
  
  
  
RON: Look at this banner, Harry. It says: 'Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix sold at midnight tonight'.  
  
HARRY: Another book about me?  
  
HERMIONE: According to this banner, (HARRY POTTER BOOK FIVE IS HERE!), it's book 5 about you.  
  
HARRY: Book 5? Then what are the other ones?  
  
HERMIONE: I don't know. Let's go in and see.  
  
They walk in, and have no trouble finding the other Harry Potter books, which are proudly displayed at the front of the store.  
  
HERMIONE: Look! Here's the one that brought us here, 'Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone'. They have all our other adventures, too! 'Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets', 'Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban', I guess that would be Sirius, and 'Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire'.  
  
RON: Well, if the books are about our lives, then how come none of us have heard of 'The Order of the Phoenix'?  
  
HARRY: Maybe this... ::peers at cover of book:: 'J.K. Rowling' can see the future!  
  
  
  
HERMIONE: Maybe, but how come she's writing about us in the first place? How does she know? And why hasn't the American Ministry of Magic done anything about her? Muggles aren't supposed to know about us, after all.  
  
HARRY: I don't know...::turns to girl next to him:: Excuse me? Could you please tell us what's going on here?  
  
GIRL: They're going to have a party tonight for the release of the new Ha...::screams:: OH MY GOD! IT'S HARRY POTTER!  
  
HARRY'S FAN CLUB (almost all the girls in the store): HARRY POTTER?! ::mass confusion as everyone tries to get to him::  
  
HARRY: Help! Don't let them do to me what they did to Draco! Please, Ron, Hermione...  
  
HFC: Harry! We love you, Harry! Come with us!  
  
HERMIONE: ::sigh:: Stand back! ::stands between Harry and his fan club:: STOP! ::HFC stops their charge:: Leave him alone! He's mine, do you hear me? ::kisses Harry:: Mine! ::glares at HFC::  
  
HFC: Aww...::slumps away disappointed::  
  
HARRY: ::slightly stunned:: Come on...let's get out of here...  
  
  
  
They walk out of the bookstore. Once outside, Ron bursts out laughing.  
  
HARRY&HERMIONE: ::glare:: What are you laughing at?  
  
RON: ::laughing:: You...you two...Harry's fan club...'he's mine'...'Mione, you...you and Harry...::laughing too hard to talk::  
  
HARRY&HERMIONE: ::go red and look away::  
  
RON: ::recovering:: Come on...let's get out of here before we run into any more obsessed fans.  
  
They walk away in silence, until...  
  
RON: Hey, Hermione, if there was a mad group of girls after me, would you kiss me to make them back off, too?  
  
HARRY&HERMIONE: RON!!  
  
RON: Joking, joking...  
  
***********************************  
  
A/N: it was a bit short, yes, but it was ok, wasn't it? I was going to put another part in but then I decided it would make a great beginning to the next chapter. If you review I might just put it up. In the next chapter: We go looking for Draco and have...er...a bit of trouble getting him back from Genelle... 


	3. Draco's Pink Boxers

Chapter 3  
  
Disclaimer: I did not make up the DFC theme song. The original title is "Malfoy in a Box" and it was written by a ten year old girl named......::drumroll::.......Genelle! The same Genelle in this story! I told you she existed!  
  
  
  
A/N: 3rd chapter, guys! Whoohoo, 5 people have read this story! I feel so loved! Thanks to the people who reviewed chapter 2:  
  
  
  
the-dealer: Yes, I guess it is a bit strange, but at least it's not insane...though insane is a lot of fun...  
  
  
  
Pink Magic Marker: Thank you! Your review made my day! And I'm so proud to actually be on someone's favorites list...wow...  
  
  
  
The Bloodstalker: Look, MORE!  
  
  
  
On with the story!  
  
  
  
****************************************************  
  
  
  
Ron, Harry, and Hermione have been wandering aimlessly for quite a while.  
  
  
  
HERMIONE: ::looking at her watch:: You know, we really should try to find Draco.  
  
  
  
RON&HARRY: ::horrified:: Why!?  
  
  
  
HARRY: Have you forgotten that the reason we let his fan club take him in the first place was because he was a complete jackass and called you 'mudblood'? You can't actually want him back?  
  
  
  
HERMIONE: Jackass or not, we can't just leave him with those...those...people.  
  
  
  
RON: Yes we can.  
  
  
  
HERMIONE: No, Ron!  
  
  
  
HARRY: Why not?  
  
  
  
HERMIONE: Because, NO ONE, not even Draco Malfoy, deserves to be left alone with people like that. How would you have liked it if I let those girls in the store carry you off and never looked back?  
  
  
  
RON: But Hermione, it's DRACO. The one that's made our lives a living hell from the moment we met him.  
  
  
  
HARRY: ::sigh:: No, Ron, Hermione's right-  
  
  
  
RON: Of COURSE she's right!  
  
  
  
HARRY: -we shouldn't just leave him out there. How would we explain if...when we get back?  
  
  
  
RON: Who CARES? You're only siding with Hermione cause she's your-  
  
  
  
HARRY: Shut up, Ron!  
  
  
  
HERMIONE: ::thoroughly embarrassed:: Yes, shut up and let's go ::drags them down the street::  
  
  
  
RON: How do you expect to find him, anyway? They could have taken him anywhere!  
  
  
  
HARRY: ::hopefully:: He has a point.  
  
  
  
HERMIONE: Well...we could ask someone...  
  
  
  
RON: OH, yes, that's great: 'Excuse, me, but you haven't seen a horde of giggling girls all crowded around a blonde boy that resembles a rat now, have you?'  
  
  
  
HERMIONE: Well...I don't see you coming up with any better ideas!  
  
  
  
Three girls rush past them, talking excitedly: "Yes, she says she has Draco Malfoy tied up in her room..."  
  
  
  
HARRY: ::miserably:: Looks like we found him...let's follow them.  
  
  
  
RON: Damn!  
  
  
  
They follow the girls until they go inside an apartment building.  
  
  
  
HERMIONE: Come on, hurry up!  
  
They get inside just in time to see the girls step into an elevator.  
  
  
  
  
  
RON: Oops, looks like we lost them, let's go now. ::turns to leave::  
  
  
  
HERMIONE: ::grabs his sleeve:: No, Ron! We see what floor they get off on.  
  
  
  
RON: Er...how? ::Hermione points to the little thingy that shows what floor the elevator's on:: Oh...damn!  
  
  
  
HERMIONE: Looks like they get off at level six. Come on.  
  
  
  
The three take the stairs up to the sixth level.  
  
  
  
RON: ::sure they have to turn back now:: Well, now what? We can't knock on every door and ask if he's there.  
  
  
  
Loud giggles and screams come from a room on their left.  
  
  
  
HARRY: Looks like we don't need too. ::points to room on left:: I'll bet all the galleons in Gringott's he's in that one. Try the door.  
  
  
  
RON: ::tries:: Damn, it's locked! Oh well...  
  
  
  
HERMIONE: Oh, honestly! ::reaches for her wand:: ALOH...hey, where's my wand?  
  
HARRY: What?  
  
  
  
  
  
HERMIONE: My wand! I've lost it!  
  
  
  
RON: Hey, I don't have mine, either!  
  
  
  
HARRY: Me neither...how come we didn't notice this before?  
  
  
  
HERMIONE: I don't know...::more screams:: I hate to think what they're doing to him in there...how're we going to get in?  
  
  
  
HARRY: Ron!  
  
  
  
RON: What?  
  
  
  
HARRY: Ron, you can pick locks!  
  
  
  
RON: I can? Oh, yeah...::looks disappointed:: Alright, stand back...::picks lock::  
  
  
  
The door opens to reveal a horrendous scene: Draco Malfoy, clad only in his (pink) boxers, was tied to a chair in the middle of the room. Genelle was sitting in his lap, her arms around his neck, attempting to kiss his lips, but kept missing because Draco kept moving his head. Th DFC was just staring in awe at him.  
  
  
  
GENELLE: Isn't this great, Draco? You're mine, all mine for ever and ever!  
  
DRACO: No! Get off! Leave me alone! ::spots Ron, Harry, and Hermione:: Potter-er, Harry! Thank God! Get me out of here, please!  
  
  
  
GENELLE: He's not going anywhere! He's mine! I caught him!  
  
  
  
HERMIONE: Come on, you've had your fun, but Draco has to come home now.  
  
  
  
RON: Yeah, it's past his bedtime.  
  
  
  
DRACO: Haha, very funny, Weasley.  
  
  
  
GENELLE: NO! I'm not giving him back!  
  
  
  
HARRY: We'll just have to take him, the...::Ron, Harry, and Hermione advance on her::  
  
  
  
GENELLE: NO! Stop them! Sing the Song!  
  
  
  
The DFC forms a wall around Genelle and Draco, all the while singing the DFC theme song (which is extremely annoying and goes something like: "All we want for Christmas is Malfoy in a box, Malfoy in a box, Malfoy in a box. All we want for Christmas is Malfoy in a box, wearing nothing bet a big red bow!"::shiver::)  
  
  
  
DRACO: They've been singing that song all day! MAKE IT STOP! GET ME OUT OF HERE!  
  
  
  
HARRY: We can't! There's too many of them!  
  
  
  
DRACO: WELL, USE MAGIC THEN! ARE YOU GUYS WIZARDS OR NOT!?  
  
  
  
HERMIONE: Technically, I'm a witch. And we can't use magic; we don't have out wands!  
  
  
  
GENELLE: ::laughs evilly:: Of course you don't have your wands! If you did I'd never be able to capture my beloved Draco! Making sure they couldn't be come with you when you were transported was all part of my brilliant plan!  
  
  
  
HERMIONE: ::eyes go wide:: You mean, you...you brought us here!?  
  
  
  
GENELLE: ::looks proud:: Yep!  
  
  
  
HERMIONE: You little BITCH! ::mass confusion as she launches herself At Genelle and the DFC tries to stop her::  
  
  
  
GENELLE: Draco! Save me!  
  
  
  
DRACO: If I weren't tied to this chair I'd throw you to her and watch her rip you to shreds. Hell, I might even help!  
  
  
  
GENELLE: Draco!  
  
  
  
HERMIONE: LET ME AT HER!!!! I'M GOING TO RIP HER APART, THE BITCH!!! LET GO!!  
  
  
  
HARRY: Hermione! What's gotten in to you? It's not that bad!  
  
  
  
RON: ::too stunned by Hermione using curse words to say anything::  
  
  
  
HERMIONE: It is too that bad! I've had a rotten day and it's all...her...fault!!!  
  
  
  
HARRY: Whatever. ::muttering to himself:: Must be that time of the month...  
  
  
  
GENELLE: Keep her away from me!!!  
  
  
  
MOM: GENELLE!  
  
  
  
Genelle: Oh shit.  
  
  
  
************************************************************  
  
  
  
A/N: So??? How was it? Review and let me know! In the next chapter (which I'm pretty sure will be the last): Genelle's mom rants (YOU KIDNAPED FOUR PEOPLE!?!?!), we find out just HOW they got there, how they get back, and just WHY Draco wears pink boxers... 


	4. Potter Party

Chapter 4 (oh no, the last one! ::sob::)  
  
A/N: Oh my God, I haven't updated in a month! I am SO sorry! But I have reasons! Check out my profile to see them, as I don't want to take up too much space here. Thanx to all my reviewers, I love you all and hope you enjoy this last (::sob::) chapter! I'm thinking of doing another fic soon, I've got a ton of ideas floating through my head...anyway, on with the show!  
  
*******************************  
  
Everyone stops what they're doing and turns to see Genelle's mom standing in the doorway.  
  
Mom: I told you, you can't have friends over when I'm not here!  
  
Genelle: But Mom...  
  
Mom: Leave, all of you. NOW!!  
  
DFC: Aww...::slumps out the door::  
  
Mom: ::eyeing Draco:: Genelle, what the hell are you doing to that poor boy?  
  
Genelle: Nothing, we were just pl-  
  
Draco: SHE KIDNAPED ME!  
  
Genelle: I did not!  
  
Harry: Technically, you kidnaped all of us.  
  
Mom: YOU KIDNAPED 4 PEOPLE?!?  
  
Genelle: I only wanted Draco...  
  
Mom: You untie that boy right now! And give him back his clothes, he must be freezing!  
  
Genelle: But-  
  
Mom: You do it NOW, or you won't be going to that party tonight!  
  
Genelle: Aww...fine...::unties Draco:: I'll go get your clothes...::slumps off to her room::  
  
Mom: I don't know WHAT'S gotten into her lately...::goes off to yell at Genelle some more::  
  
The four stand in silence.  
  
Ron: Er...Draco?  
  
Draco: ::irritably:: What?  
  
Ron: Why are you wearing *pink* boxers?  
  
Harry: Yeah, I was wondering that, too.  
  
Draco: ::goes red:: Er...my mother washed them with her red robes.  
  
Ron: But Draco, your boxers are *really* pink.  
  
Draco: She did it more than once!  
  
Hermione: But that's impossible. When you wash with wizard detergent, colors don't run.  
  
Draco: ALL RIGHT! SO I LIKE THE COLOR PINK! There, I said it. I LIKE PINK!!! Happy?  
  
RON: ::looks as if Christmas has come early:: Very.  
  
Draco: ::color drains from his face:: I swear to God, Weasley, If you tell anyone I'll-  
  
A door slams and Genelle slumps into the room, carrying a bundle of clothes. Her mother is close behind her.  
  
Genelle: Here ::shoves bundle into Draco's arms:: Take your clothes.  
  
Mom: And...  
  
Genelle: ::sigh:: And I'm sorry I transported the four of you out of the book and tied Draco almost naked to a chair.  
  
Mom: AND...  
  
Genelle: And to make up for it I would like to invite you out for pizza and to the Potter Party at Border's tonight, where you'll be able to go back after I get a copy of 'The Order of the Phoenix'.  
  
Ron: Er...how much pizza?  
  
Mom: As much as you want.  
  
Ron: Count me in!  
  
Hermione: Ron, you pig!  
  
Harry: What do you mean, you 'transported us out of the book?'  
  
Genelle: Duh, dumbasses, you're fake! [A/N: Genelle wrote this line, not me!] You only exist in a fictional book!  
  
Harry: Then why are we here?  
  
Genelle: Because I found this book about witchcraft in the library and there was this spell that was supposed to bring fictional characters to life!  
  
Hermione: You mean in the real world, muggles can do magic?  
  
Genelle: I'm a fag! [A/N: Her idea!] ::everyone looks at her funny:: Oops...I mean, anyone can do magic!  
  
Mom: ::just realized what her daughter just said:: You mean...you were practicing WITCHCRAFT!?  
  
Genelle: Only one spell!  
  
Mom: But- ::decides there's no point in giving a lecture:: whatever...  
  
Harry: Um...yeah...how exactly are we going to get back?  
  
Genelle: All you have to do ir read the first line of the new book and you'll be brought back the same way you were brought here!  
  
Harry: Ok...well, I suppose we could go with you-  
  
Draco: NO!  
  
Harry: ::ignoring Draco, as everybody always does:: I mean, you DID apologize, and we COULD use some food...  
  
Genelle: Great!  
  
Draco: No...  
  
Hermione: Oh, come off it already!  
  
Draco: Do you realize that for the last four hours, I've been tied to a chair IN MY UNDERWEAR with HER sitting in my lap?!? Do you think I'm going to be especially happy to spend the rest of the day with her?  
  
Ron: Do you want to be stuck here forever?  
  
Draco: No...  
  
Ron: Then shut the hell up and deal with it!  
  
Draco: ::sigh:: Why do all the bad things always happen to me?  
  
Hermione: Because the author of this fic thinks you're a stupid, slimy git that deserves to be sent to Dante's innermost ring of Hell, you know, the one that only has Judas and Brutus on it? She also thinks that's where Wormtail should go (it fits with the whole 'betrayed your best friend' theme; Judas: Jesus, Brutus: Caesar, Wormtail: the Potters).  
  
Everyone looks at her funny.  
  
Ron: Who's Dante?  
  
Harry: What did you say?  
  
Hermione: ::rolls her eyes:: Don't you know anything? Dante wrote the Divine Comedy, back in God-knows-when. And I didn't say anything.  
  
Harry: But-  
  
Hermione: I...said...NOTHING!  
  
Harry: Whatever...  
  
There's an awkward silence.  
  
Genelle: ::clears thought:: So...are you coming?  
  
Draco: ::opens mouth::  
  
Hermione: ::covers Draco's mouth before he can say anything:: Of course we'll come.  
  
Draco: ::bites Hermione's hand::  
  
Hermione: OW! What the hell was that for?  
  
Draco: ::spitting:: You were suffocating me ::spits some more::  
  
Mom: Hey! You do not spit in this house! ::Draco stops spitting::  
  
Genelle: ::checking watch:: We should get going...there's a Pizza Hut across the street from Border's.  
  
Ron: Excellent, I'm starving!  
  
Hermione: ::rolls eyes:: No you're not. You can survive days without food before you starve.  
  
Ron: It's only a figure of speech.  
  
Hermione: Well-  
  
Harry: Maybe we should start walking.  
  
The 6 set out for Pizza Hut, where Ron and Genelle each order very large garbage pizzas, while Hermione, Harry, Draco, and Mrs. Genelle's Mom share a large cheese with sausage and pepperoni.  
  
Ron: ::talking with mouth full:: This Pizza is great!  
  
Genelle: ::also talking with mouth full:: I know. It's the best anywhere!  
  
Draco: How can they each eat a whole pizza? They're both so thin!  
  
Harry: Maybe they have magically expanded stomachs.  
  
Ron: ::belches:: Well, I'm done.  
  
Genelle: Me too.  
  
Draco: Bout time. ::mutters under his breath:: Pigs.  
  
Ron: ::eyes narrow:: You know, Malfoy, you'd better be nice to us, or we'll tell the whole school about your-  
  
Draco: Did I say pig? I meant...::searches for a different word and fails miserably:: I...  
  
Ron: ::smiles evilly:: Boy, you and I are gonna have some real fun when we get back...  
  
Draco: ::groan::  
  
Mom: We should get going. It's almost ten.  
  
Ron: Aww...I was rather starting to enjoy being here.  
  
Harry: You just said you couldn't wait to get back so you could torture Draco.  
  
Ron: I did? Oh yeah! I can't wait to get back!  
  
Harry: Are you Ok?  
  
Hermione: He's fine. It's just the author's pathetic attempt to be humorous.  
  
Ron: There you go again!  
  
Hermione: What?  
  
Ron: Talking about 'the Author'!  
  
Hermione: I didn't say anything.  
  
Ron: Yes you did.  
  
Hermione: I did not!  
  
Ron: you-::Harry stomps on his foot to prevent him from starting another fight with Hermione:: Ow...you said nothing...nothing at all...  
  
Harry: Ok, let's go!  
  
They leave Pizza Hut and walk to Border's, where there are even more people than had been there before. They manage to squeeze inside.  
  
Ron: ::muffled:: Oi, I can't even breath in here!  
  
Harry: I know ::someone knocks into him and he falls on Hermione::  
  
Hermione: Ow! What was that for?  
  
Harry: Someone pushed me!  
  
Draco: Haha, you fell on the-::someone pushes Draco and he falls on Harry and Hermione::  
  
Harry: You were saying?  
  
Hermione: Could you two please GET THE HELL OFF OF ME? ::pushes Harry and Draco off and gets up::  
  
Harry and Draco are trampled as more people come into the store. Hermione and Ron laugh, while Genelle looks worried. Mrs. Genelle's Mom has claimed it's too crowded and left.  
  
Hermione: ::laughing:: Here. ::holds out her hand::  
  
Harry: ::takes her hand and pulls himself up:: What? You think it's funny, me getting trampled?  
  
Hermione: Yes.  
  
Genelle: ::kneeling by Draco:: Oh my God, are you alright?!  
  
Draco: Get off me, I'm fine! ::pushes her away and gets up::  
  
Ron: Look ::points up the stairs:: there doesn't seem to be as many people up there. We can wait there till midnight.  
  
Harry: Perfect.  
  
Genelle: Aww, come on guys. It's a party! You can't just go hide somewhere til it's over!  
  
Draco: Watch us.  
  
The four make their way upstairs, where nothing interesting really happens and they just sit and read. (Ron and Draco read, anyway. Hermione and Harry were rather busy in a secluded corner. Hehehe.) Midnight comes and Genelle slumps up the stairs with the book.  
  
Genelle: I've got it.  
  
Everyone: Yay!  
  
Genelle: ::to Draco:: Are you sure you want to go?  
  
Draco: Um, let me think, YES! ::makes a grab for the book::  
  
Genelle: ::pulls it out of his reach:: Can I have a good-bye kiss?  
  
Draco: ::horrified:: No!  
  
Genelle: You can't read the book if you don't give me one.  
  
Draco: Ugh. Fine. ::braces himself::  
  
Genelle puts a hand on each side of his face and starts snogging (hehe I like that word. Why don't we Americans use it?) him full frontal.  
  
Draco: Yuck. I won't eat for weeks.  
  
Hermione: Wonderful. Can we have the book now?  
  
Genelle: ::sigh:: Fine. ::to Draco:: Good-bye, Drakey-poo.  
  
Hermione, Harry, and Ron crack up.  
  
Ron: Drakey-poo?  
  
Draco: Alright, just give me the damn book. ::grabs the book from Genelle::  
  
Genelle stands back while everyone else gathers around Draco. He opens the cover, then turns past the title page, then the table of contents, and then...  
  
The hottest day of the summer so far was drawing to a close and a drowsy silence lay over the large, square houses of Privet Drive...The only person left outside was a teenage boy who was lying flat on his back in a flowerbed outside number four.  
  
****************************************  
  
A/N: Aww, it's OVER! Oh well, wasn't that great anyway. But that's just my opinion. And I'm sorry I rushed the ending, but this whole thing was just so long. Tell me, what did you think? All opinions welcome. Even Flames. And what kind of story should I write next? I was toying with the idea of Ron/Harry/Hermione out of school and roommates...but I'm not so sure. What do you think? Love ya! 


End file.
